Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Barney and the cop

My "Bangin" playlist on my iPod is pretty epic. There is a lot of R&B and the perfect rhythm that will let me hit the high note with ease. I could say it was perfect, but there was one song I had on there that will forever haunt me and that playlist.

It was one of those beautiful nights outside and I Felt Like Makin' Love, so I picked up my latest conquest and headed to a parking lot next to the river.

He was a football player, a few years younger than me in age, but a generation younger in life. It was like a strange Fantasy. I felt like a cougar in my twenties. Now I know why they go out hunting for cubs. It was fun sneaking around and running away from parents again.

As soon as I hit play on Mariah's "Mine Again," it didn't take long for us to be fogging up the windows, Bump'n and Grind'n. I was lost in the music; it was like there was no world outside of my beat up Volkswagen. Then....

A very bright light was shining into my car. It couldn't be mistaken. The Cops Came Knockin'.

Luckily, I've had this happen before. I knew to keep some clothing on in case of an emergency, and this was certainly a 911 moment. We both lifted up our pants and looked for my top as the officer walked up to the car.
I had no shirt, no bra, and nothing of the sort in sight. Cub was miraculously already clothed.
KNOCK KNOCK! Hey! Open this window!
He handed me his jacket, I wrapped it around me, and rolled down my window. Hair, make-up, and slobber were all over, and my music was still pretty loud, but that was the last of my worries. The cop gave us one look and demanded our ID's.
♫ I love you, you love me, we're a hap-
Oh, my dear sweet baby Jesus, NO. Of all songs on the playlist, NOT THIS ONE.
I prayed it wasn't really happening, and frantically tried to find my iPod.
♫ With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you 
This was real life. The Barney theme song was playing mid-sex session and mid-looming arrest at the same time, and there was nothing I could do about it besides laugh.
"Ma'am, this isn't very funny. I could write you two up and take you in for indecent exposure at a state park. And do you realize how old this young man is?"
Oh, I realized... I also realized he was dark chocolate that I was enjoying nibbling on, and that scares older men of authority even more. I had nothing working in my favor besides my half naked body, but even that won't help when there's a lack of voluptuous goodies.

Next thing I knew he was winking at my cub and handing back our ID's telling us to get a room. Just like that, I was off the hook, and felt more Promiscuous than ever.
"What the hell was that?! Was that Barney?"
There was no escaping this nightmare. The damage had been done. Even if I explained why that song was on my playlist, he was done exploring my Wonderland, and the only Crashing that happened was our heads with our pillows... separately.

No comments:

Post a Comment